Originally published on Lavalife
Dating is one of the few human experiences that we all share. Even not dating is still part of that experience. In fact, it is arguably the most important thing that there is!
We all want to be successful in life, but what is success without someone to share it with? And this thing that is so important to us, it never really gets explained or taught.
I compare dating to pool (billiards). You usually just start playing. You figure out the rules and strategies as you go along, but no one sat you down and explained the basics to you before you got started. Think how much easier it would have been if you had a just a few insights into the mind of the woman!
Well, it might be a little late now, but here’s a list of things that would have helped you in high school. Maybe you can pass them along to younger brother or friends, or maybe you’ll end up mentoring someone on the subject down the road. Read on! Oh, and please avoid these sources of girl advice. They’re not going to help you.
1. Women are Driven by Emotion.
We are humans and we are all primarily emotional creatures. But while a guy is around 60% emotion, women are slightly higher – usually around 80%. Think about that for a second. 80% of all decisions made by women are about how they feel. This can be very confusing. They may say they want one thing while sitting calmly around. But when their emotions are activated, it can overcome all of their logic and result in an opposite action.
Think about all the hormones and emotional bopping around that took place during high school years. We are all trying to figure out who we are and what we want. So understand if she told you she wanted a “sweet, loving, attentive, funny guy” but ended up with the dumb football player that has a car, she actually meant both things.
One is what she logically wanted, and the other was a result of her emotions being triggered. With this being said, we arrive at point #2.
2. Don’t Become a Jerk.
Nice guys constantly see women go after, or end up with, guys that could be considered jerks. Why do these MoFos get girls when the quality guys don’t? Frustrating! Many guys will then take it upon themselves to try and be more of an asshole with the misplaced belief that it will get them girls. No woman WANTS to be with a jerk, yet many end up with one. What gives?
The jerk is triggering her emotions. Nice guys can become too predictable and boring. The key is to be able to get her to access her emotions in a POSITIVE way. She mention a group she likes? Make her an animated gif of the band. Do something different like driving to the next town over and finding the best appetizers. If Rome is her dream vacation, do some research and put together a slide show/powerpoint/presentation about all that is awesome and fun to do there and show it to her over a bottle of wine.
You’ll find that you’ll still be able to activate her emotions while not debasing yourself by becoming a jerk.
3. Image is Everything.
Would you say that Billy Joel is classically attractive? Um, no. Not at all. But who did he marry? Christie Brinkley, arguably the TOP model of the 80s! So there is obviously something more at work than looks alone. Because men are so visually oriented, we tend to think that women are also. They are not.
This isn’t to say that they don’t get all swoony over a hot dude (see Ryan Gosling, any 1D member), it’s to say that they are looking for much more. Image, I like to say, is your non-verbal conversation with the world. It’s not just how the world perceives you, it’s how you WANT the world to perceive you. What does what you wear project say about you? Mismatched belt/shoes?
Doesn’t take the time to care. Grubby T-shirt? Laid back or hates laundry. Cool watch? Appreciates little things. Understand why you look the way you do. Have a reason for it. If you consider yourself sportive and want others to know, wear a jersey. You like biz-cazh and have the job to back it up? Get a Tumi messenger bag. Like to travel? Wear a tie you got in Chile. Every little thing is an opportunity for you to tell others about yourself, without saying a word.