There is a natural rhythm to life and it plays out across the dating world also. We have millions of years of biology and evolution within us that helps us and can also wreak a little havoc in our lives if you ignore it! One of these is the natural “man as hunter/woman as prey” that takes place in every social gathering, every night on the year. Now I’m not advocating that women are meek little bunnies or that “balls out” is the best way to approach a woman. What I’m saying is that there are certain energies that naturally play out and if you learn how to work with them, you’ll have a much easier time!
To that end, women want you to approach them! She is standing over there with her friend and looks your way, smiles and looks away. That’s her signal! She wants you to come over and introduce yourself. So, how do you do it right?
1) Approach with Confidence
I know that people often say “blah, blah, blah…with confidence!” But they don’t tell you HOW to be confident. So what do you do? First off, approach her head on. I know it may seem scary when they look over and see you walking right towards them. But you don’t want to seem like you’re creeping up on her from the side or accidentally startle her because she didn’t realize you were right behind her. Make eye contact the whole way and don’t forget to smile! Then just introduce yourself. You don’t need a fancy line. “Hi, I’m ______. What’s your name?”
2) Why is Confidence Sexy?
The definition of confidence is the surety of your own decisions. Think about working out at the gym. You say, “I’m going to go to the leg press machine now.” You get up, stride right over to the machine and start using it. You made a decision and you went to see it through. Not brain surgery! Just do the same thing when you are out. If a woman sees you hem and haw about coming over, she may think that you don’t know what you want. If you don’t look her in the eyes, she may feel you’re keeping something from her. A confident man exudes the “I may not be perfect, but I’m okay with what I’ve got.”
3) How Do I Develop This Confidence?
To develop confidence, you have to develop yourself. First off, look good. This doesn’t mean suit or anything, but you’re well groomed, clean clothes, bright colors. If you look good, you feel good. You always want to be a little over-dressed as opposed to under-dressed. Secondly, act positive. We all have the naysayer in our brain telling us, “She’s busy, she’s with friends, she wouldn’t want to talk to me.” You have to consciously start thinking about the other side. “She can’t wait for me to come over, I look forward to making her smile, she will find me very interesting.” Thinking this way is a choice and it’s something you need to train yourself to do. To start, balance EVERY bad thing you think with a positive. Lastly, be interesting. “What did you do this weekend?” “Um, not much. Watched some Netfilx and hung out with my friends.” Vs “I went on an early morning walk up 5th Avenue and got some coffee at this neat little shop. Then I met my friends in Central Park and threw the Frisbee around. That night, I check out an art gallery opening and then on Sunday I worked on (insert your hobby here.)” If you have interesting things to talk about, by default, you become interesting! What are you doing that others would find cool?
4) What Now?
You approached with confidence. …..now what?! Ask her a question or two about her and actively listen to the answers. Within her answers will be triggers about what makes her happy. “Oh, you grew up in Buffalo? What was the most fun thing to do there growing up?” This will start giving you information about her and she’ll enjoy speaking about things that she likes. Everyone is so sick of talking about what they do, where they live, etc. Think of some of your happy memories. Things like birthdays, holidays, vacations, spontaneous experiences, unexpected praise are universally positive. If they made you happy, they probably made her happy, so ask her about them!
Originally published on Online Dating University