A guy and I was having great conversation via an Internet dating site. then I joked and said I was married. but lately told him I was just picking (joking) and when I finally told him I was laid off he stopped texting and will not answer my calls. What should I do? I want to visit him at work and ask why. should I ? ( cause I don’t know where he lives ) – Bridge

Hey Bridge, sorry to hear about this. Unfortunately, you’re going to just have to chalk this one up in the “lose” category.

But I want to help you to not make the same mistake again. The internet is a wild and woolly place. Everyone is on guard about being catfished or meeting “worthy” people. The first thing you did was to joke that you were married. Not a good idea. (Obviously.) Most times when people make jokes like this, they were testing the other person to judge their interest level. Or you might have been trying to lessen the blow of admitting you are unemployed, which these days, is really not that uncommon. But when he got the first blow that you were married, you then told him you were joking. Now you’ve already got him thinking that you aren’t being honest, which is not a good feeling to have. Then, when he was probably getting over it and you were getting back to good convo, you dropped another one on him, that you were out of work. Now he is wondering if this is true or not or what else you are waiting to drop on him. At this point, I am assuming he just realized that he couldn’t be sure of anything you were saying and that there was too much uncertainty in your interactions. So he pulled the ejector seat and exited.

Now you want to show up at his work asking why he stopped talking to you? Imagine how this is going to be perceived on his end. Some woman (I’m assuming you’re a woman, but even if you’re a guy, same thing) is yanking his chain over chat and, in his eyes, is lying, or at least, being less than honest. He finally had enough and cut off contact. Then he keep receiving calls and messages from you that he has decided not to return. He is feeling more and more negative thoughts towards you. If you show up, he is going to have all of his worst fears confirmed. That you can’t take “no” for an answer, that you can’t take a hint, that you are going to start stalking him. I’m not saying you are, but if you do show up, he might think you are and there is NO WAY that is going to end well.

So like I said, I’d just chalk this up to a learning experience. What should you have done? You should have been honest from the beginning. You needn’t have to have said “I have something to tell you.” But you could have said it in passing like, “Well, I’m out interviewing now looking for my dream job. What’s yours?” It’s said in a casual manner and you’re not making a big deal out of it. Hopefully next time, you’ll be able to covert the chatting into a date!