Originally published on The Relationship Blog
Hey there guys! How’s it hangin’?! **Does overly-elaborate handshake followed by the one-armed-two-back-slaps-bro-hug** Guys love hanging around other guys! We don’t have to worry about how our actions are being perceived and forgiveness, if necessary, is only a beer and shot away.
Women on the other hand, well, they’re a little more judgey. And rightly so. “Hunt!! I’m not your brother or your friend!” my wife shrieks as I dump cold water on her in the shower, giggling. We sometimes forget that the fairer sex is called “fairer” for a reason. What we consider fun, or funny or a non-issue with each other, is not so much to ladies.
So let’s help you out with some things that you may be doing that are NOT attracting women!
Now most lists would say things like, “Have good personal hygiene, don’t scratch your balls on a date, burping at the table is uncouth.” Seriously guys? These are BASIC human principles!! If you don’t have these under your belt already, you may need more help than a pithy, albeit chock full of insights, article can do. So let’s update the list a bit and give you guys a little benefit of the doubt.
1. Complimenting
Wait. What? Complimenting is always said as the BEST thing you can do for a woman. Yes. Only if done correctly, which most guys don’t. Have you ever been walking with a tennis racket or something and someone says to you, “Oh! You going to play tennis?” Invariably you think they’re an idiot and really want to come back with something scathing.
This is how most guys compliment. “That’s a pretty dress.” Uh, yes. It is. That’s why she’s wearing it. It sounds 1) too generic and 2) like you just pulled a compliment out of your back pocket without regards to whether it’s true. Instead, tell her WHY it is. “That dress is really pretty, it draws attention to you without being ostentatious.”
You’re crafting something specifically to her. If she has beautiful hair, “You must spend a decent amount of time on your hair. It shows, you look great!” Don’t be generic or say it just because you think she wants to hear it. It’ll sound hollow a you’ll look it.
2. Splitting the bill
I know. Annoying. Don’t we live in an equal world these days?! Yup. Except when it’s not. But c’mon guys, we fortunately come out on the good side of many double standards. We can suck this one up. Now I’m not saying for always, but I’d say for MINIMUM the first date and probably at least 2 or 3, the dude coughs up. Even if she makes more than me? Yes. It is a gesture that shows the woman that you are at least a bit invested in getting to know them better. If you can’t afford a whole dinner/drinks date, then take them somewhere else.
3. Trying to solve her problems
Women are emotional fixers, they want to make you better. Men are physical fixers, if there’s a problem, we want to fix it. That’s fine for your own life but not necessarily for others, unless they explicitly ask for help. Now listen, I know when she talks about how much her feet hurt walking around work in heels all day, our natural inclination is to try to help remove her pain.
However, she doesn’t want to hear about insoles, orthopedic shoes or other suggestions on how to minimize her problem. What she wants is someone to empathize with her and support her. “I’m sorry that your feet hurt. It must be difficult feeling that the unwritten dress code is painful for you.”
4. Text issues
Texting is awesome. As soon as it arrived on the scene I was like, “You mean we don’t have talk on the phone anymore?! Score!” And I, like most all of us, use it a lot. Like, a LOT a lot. There are two issues here. First, texting should be about small, little inane things and thoughts. Plans, dates, convos should NOT be done over text.
The most common complaint I get from women is “Why won’t he pick up the phone and call me?!” Secondly, be a man. As in, don’t author texts like a teenage girl. “hA girl, how R U doing? Do U wnt 2 hang l8r? #cantwaittoseeyou #gonnabestnightever 😉 <3” **Rolls up newspaper** No! Bad texter, bad texter! We have autocorrect, write out the whole word. Don’t over ########### and leave off the emoticons. Not masculine or sexy.
5. Calories
Says my girl friend Antonia, “Oh, and don’ t talk about your caloric intake…CHICKS DO THAT. We like to think guys are a garbage disposal and never count calories.” Even if you are a fitness buff, don’t start talking about calories at the table. You sound fussy and fastidious. Also, you are now going to make the girl anxious that she is being judged by you on her intake.
Dating is supposed to be fun! How much fun is she going to have if she’s weighing her hunger vs your judgey judginess?