Guest Post – Five Key Tips That Are Helpful for Dating After Divorce

by Mason Brown

Divorce is an experience that leaves you drained emotionally, physically, mentally, and even financially, and it isn’t easy to get back in the dating field if you’re not ready. But once you’ve gone through the much-needed grieving and healing processes, then your primary mission is to adjust to your new way of life and get used to your newfound freedom. Venturing out into the world alone can be tough, but once you meet someone that makes your heart flutter again, it’s definitely worth it.The mere fact that you’re ready to find someone new means that you’re already off to a fresh new start. To help you gain back your footing, here are five key tips worth considering for dating after divorce:

1) Be psychosomatically optimistic about love.

A bad break can cause you to take a turn for the worst, transforming you into a jaded and cynical creature who has lost any hope of loving another, but that’s never the best path to follow. Just because you got hurt once, doesn’t you should shut the whole world out.Instead, start the healing process by doing things that make you happy. This will take your mind off the pain of your failed marriage and eventually allow you to channel all that pent up emotions into something of good value. Before you start dating, make sure your heart is mended and devoid of any bitterness toward your ex because any past hurt will come in the way of your future relationships. Remember, there’s nothing attractive about emotional baggage. You don’t need to rush things and jump at the first chance you have at snagging a hot dinner date. Your heart knows when the time is right, and when that time does come, you’ll be ready.

2) Create a marriage map.

According to Michele Weiner-Davis, the author of the book Divorce Busting, marriages are like children. This is seen in the manner of how they both go through several developmental stages and predictable crises. However, since many people are unacquainted with and unprepared for the standard hills and valleys of marriage, fights usually spark between couples, many of which go out of hand and slowly wreak havoc in the marriage.Thankfully, Weiner-Davis presents a marriage map consisting the five stages or transitional periods of a typical marriage. The map starts with the first stage filled with passion and excitement, slowly passes through a period of discovering and dealing with each others’ differences, and ends with the final stage of learning how to live, work, and play with your partner. Sadly, very few couples reach the fifth stage. Creating a marriage map for your future relationship can help you understand that the rainbow always comes after the rain, if only the both of you are willing to put extra effort to endure through and sustain the relationship till the next phase.

3) Understand that character and compatibility count the most.

Don’t just focus on trying to meet your emotional needs but know what you’re looking for in your future significant other. Invest in the time to create a list of must-haves and must-not-haves in a partner, and you’ll be surprised with the things you come up with. If you don’t sit down and decide what you want, then you won’t know it even if it’s staring you in the face, resulting in a lost opportunity. Another thing that you could lose is the time spent in looking in the wrong place and the wrong people. Overall, character and compatibility are the two key aspects you should look into when picking out a date. Ultimately, you’ll want to be with someone who has a good heart and is enjoyable to be with. Because if not, then what’s the point?

4) Be a leader, not a hunter.

If you stayed in your past relationship long enough, consider the fact that a lot may have changed in the dating scene since your days as a young bachelor or bachelorette. The popularity of online dating is rising, so it might be time to ditch the ways of the past and find a mate via the Internet or in less-than-traditional places.

Remember, get online, but do it the right way. Don’t be a hunter, who goes after someone for the thrill of the chase and leaves when it gets boring. Be a leader, who is knowledgeable in the art of pursuit and creates value with the time you spend with your date. The point is that you don’t want to come off as desperate, so always think first before you act. Remind yourself continually of your worth and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

5) Be patient.

In this growing culture of impatience, where instant gratification is a perceived necessity, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that love works the same way. The sad thing is it doesn’t. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so don’t get discouraged when your first date after the divorce doesn’t go well. Just try again. Statistically, you’ll find the perfect match for you once you keep at this long enough.

Patience is a virtue, most importantly when dating. You don’t want to rush into the next bad relationship just as soon as you’ve had a divorce. Slow and steady is the way to go. Anything worth having never comes quick and easy, and forcing things usually never results in anything good.

Having dealt with countless irreconcilable couples and learning how marriages fall apart, the attorneys from the DeRoberts law firm have seen their fair share of divorce cases. While the process of filing for a divorce is ugly, they can assure you that waiting for you at the end of the dark tunnel of a failing marriage is the bright light of freedom and a future of endless possibilities. So, what are you waiting for? Apply these tips, go out there, and enjoy your life with someone new. You definitely won’t regret it.

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