Perhaps when understanding how to date women, Oscar Wilde said it best in The Sphinx without a Secret: “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
While this isn’t necessarily true, since antiquity, poets, philosophers, musicians and regular men have lamented how difficult it is to understand the delightful creature that is woman. It’s amazing that while humans are the same species, the motivations of women often make men as confused as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. Here are some quick tips to help understand, talk to, and date women.
How to Date Women: Just When You Thought You’d Figured It Out
**NECESSARY CAVEAT: Every woman is different, so no one thing will relate to all of them. Don’t take these as gospel. Take them as insight.**
Women’s Fantasies of Men
From a very young age, girls are bombarded with an idea of what the perfect man is. It can be difficult for men when they’re told to be “alpha” and “sensitive” at the same time. So what do women really desire and fantasize about in a man? There are four qualities that top the list of attributes women want: confidence, leadership, image, and power. They want someone who has passion and is motivated. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be a high earner if you are working hard to get your start-up off the ground. They want to feel protected and safe in your arms, yet be able to tell you anything without fear of reprisal. But most of all, they want a man that lets them be them. And they want someone that is just as secure in who he is — aka not jealous.
How They Think
Almost every man at some point has said or done something that set off a woman, whether it be a mother, sister, friend or mate. And many times, the man has no idea what he said or did wrong. For the most part, women are communicators and supporters. If she comes home from work complaining that her feet hurt, a man’s natural reaction might be to offer to get her new shoes. He is looking for a solution — while all she is looking for is support and empathy. “That’s too bad honey, did you have to be on your feet a lot today?” Then listen to her.
Understand Their Love Language
Based on a book entitled The Five Love Languages, there is a theory that every woman has a way of expressing and receiving love and that these differ between women. The five love languages are: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and touch. When she is around people she loves, like family and friends, does she compliment them a lot (words of affirmation)? Does she enjoy finding the perfect presents (receiving gifts) for her friends? Or is she a super snuggler (touch)? However she shows love to other people is usually the way she wants it reciprocated.
How To Date
You’ve heard women say they want a man to take charge. Yes, women enjoy it when a man has a plan. If you’re worried about taking the lead completely, give her an option or two. “I’ve found two restaurants that look good. One’s Italian and one’s sushi. Which sounds best to you?” That way you’ve shown your leadership skills (alpha), yet have also shown that you care about her feelings (sensitive).
Originally published in AMansQuest